AsleepAwake
by RagamuffinSundrop
Summary: There are some things she can only say when he is asleep. He wishes he could tell her that he was awake.


Asleep/Awake

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or the characters used within. I make no profit from the writing of this story.

Asleep-Rose

Being with the Doctor wasn't like being with anyone else. Rose had known that from the start. The Doctor himself had warned her of that both directly and indirectly at various times. Normally, Rose loved that about him. She certainly didn't want to be with another Jimmy Stone, she'd learned her lesson about him the hard way and was grateful she'd gotten out when she had. She didn't want to be with Mickey anymore either. She loved Mickey; she truly did. Even before the Doctor had crashed into her life Rose had started to realize that as much as she loved Mickey she'd started to fall out of love with him. He was one of her best friends and always would be but she was staying with him because it was comfortable and because it was habit. Neither was a good reason and if she'd stayed longer she was sure the two of them would have ended up parting and she'd no longer have even his friendship. Leaving with the Doctor had hurt him she was sure but she couldn't deny it had been what was right for her.

The Doctor had warned her that he didn't do the domestic before their first kiss. He'd warned her that he didn't do the domestic before the first time they were together. She accepted it. She understood it. Yet, as she lie in her bed next to a sleeping Doctor, she wished that part of him would change if only for a moment.

"I love you." Rose whispered softly leaning over to place the lightest of kisses on his lips before turning over to go to sleep. It was a nightly ritual for her. Even though he didn't need as much sleep as she did or sleep nearly as long as she did the Doctor stayed in her bed. He knew without asking that it made her happy and she knew without asking that he would do almost anything to make her happy. She also knew how he would react if she told him she loved him. He'd either panic or get angry. She really didn't see him reacting in any other way. She realized it was best not to tell him. The solution didn't make her happy. She needed to tell him she loved him. She'd decided to tell him once she was sure he was asleep. That way she could tell him her feelings without worrying about his. So, every night she would wait until he was asleep next to her, kiss him and whisper her words. Just once though she wished she could tell him while he was awake.

Awake-Doctor

"I love you."

The Doctor heard Rose's whispered words, felt her gentle touch and it should have made him so happy. Rose loved him; there was no greater gift to be had than that. Instead hearing her words, feeling her touch nearly broke his hearts. She loved him. He'd known perhaps even before she'd realized it herself. Certainly, he'd known she loved him before the first time he'd kissed her or the first time they were together.

He'd tried to make it clear before all this started that he didn't do the domestic. He didn't have relationships, as she'd known them. Rose had listened, really listened. He'd seen it in her eyes without having to read it in her mind. She wasn't taking his words lightly or reacting with the stubbornness of youth and pretending to listen but inwardly assuming she could change him if she tried. She really did understand that he meant it when he said he didn't do domestic. She'd accepted it without question; he'd seen that in her eyes as well. She loved him enough to take him, flaws and all. The thought had humbled him. Still, he knew she didn't fully understand why he claimed he didn't do the domestic. He could see that she assumed his warning against not being domestic had been issued to keep her from being hurt by his actions or lack of actions as the case may be. That wasn't the reason he avoided domestics at all. He didn't do domestics not because he was afraid of hurting Rose but because he was afraid of Rose hurting him.

Losing his home, his people had scarred him deeply and left him afraid. Rose had gone a long way towards easing his fears and healing his scars with her presence and later her love but it wasn't enough. He, the eternal coward, was still terrified. If he let himself go, she'd hurt him even more when he lost her too. He wished just once that when she whispered that she loved him that he would be strong enough to tell her that he loved her too and brave enough to tell her that he was awake; he'd always been awake.


End file.
